Sunday, October 01, 2006

Get Hard

I've been thinking over my run yesterday and I've been annoyed with myself. From Lyall Bay it was a constant battle to stop myself from walking, and the fact I lost that battle twice up Happy Valley to Brooklyn quite frankly p**ses me off. I didn't need to stop - I could have kept going. Watching Duck pull away in pursuit of the front-runners was the worst possible feeling. When she left and I stopped I felt defeated, and I felt like I'd let both myself and her down.

On the other hand, I was also in a lot of pain from Lyall Bay onwards, and today I could barely walk around the Sanctuary. Bending my knee was an exercise in mental torture all on its own, and walking downhill excruciating. I'm torn between trying not to be too hard on myself and trying not to give myself excuses. The fact Sarah had such a good run makes it a little worse somehow (don't get guilty about that Sarah, I'm just super envious).

Mum was amazed when I told her I was learning to swim. She couldn't believe I would go anywhere near the water. I tried to explain that it was something that I wanted to do, and something that my trainer wanted to do. She found it hard to comprehend that I would take orders from anyone. It's a mark of my respect for Duck that I'm doing this, but it's also a sign of how much my life has changed this year, and how great my gratitude is. No - gratitude is somehow the wrong word, but it's something similar.

I also think part of my own mental battle problem is simply that it hasn't really occured to me yet what I'm now capable of. My own progress has been so rapid and so steep that I haven't quite yet caught up with it. Heck - I all but ran a half marathon yesterday! It was 5km further than I've ever run before. I really should have more faith.

In other news, today was a soggy but not too cold day at the Sanctuary. Two of my absentee female Hihi delighted me by demonstrating their nestbuilding skills with great enthusiasm while I watched. The first egg of the season has been laid, and my rather reticent children are now hurrying to catch up.

I'm a little concerned about this knee, but as long as I keep off it as much as possible over the next couple of weeks I should be fine for the half on the 15th. ALL systems should be go. It will happen...

No comments: