Thursday, November 25, 2010
We're off to Taupo tomorrow so that I can ride in the Lake Taupo Cycle Challenge. I am in no way trained for this event. In fact I haven't done a single ride over 80k. There are a number of reasons for this, and some of them come down to me making silly or cautious decisions. However what's done is done, and there's no point kicking myself now.
Physically my quads are tight, my left periformis is nagging me, but I will stretch them out tonight and by Saturday they should be fine. Mentally I feel remarkably calm. I plan on finishing, but if I don't I know I will have given it my best shot.
A year ago when I first sat in front of the hospital's clinical psychiatrist I was unable to stop crying. She asked me what I did to relax and at that time I had no answer for her. I couldn't run and I didn't think I'd ever get back on my bike again. The next time I saw her I took her the photo above. I wanted her to see who I had been. At the time that photo was almost too difficult for me to look at. I eventually chose to look at it as a symbol of my own strength, and over time I could take heart from it. A few months later I was back on my bike again.
So when I line up on the lakefront on Saturday it won't be to try to beat my PB. When I line up it will be to show myself that I am a strong, brave woman. Just the fact that I am even registered is a victory.