Listening and Understanding

If there's one thing I've learned the hard way, it's how to listen to my body. My body has been telling me it's sick!

I stayed home on Monday, but grudgingly. It's so cold here at the moment. Over the course of the day I started to get a very particular kind of cabin craziness. This house started to feel like the enemy. I was convinced the hot water cylinder was playing up again and reverting to its former rumbling, shaking behaviour. Things were either in the process of breaking or already broken (the dishwasher, the fridge, the piles under the spare room). At one point I became convinced I could smell gas coming from the central heating unit (like I could really smell much at all) and phoned Hamish to come home and check it.

I knew staying home on my own in this frame of mind was self-destructive. Unfortunately the only other option was to head back to the office. That option wasn't really going to work for me either. On Tuesday, despite being up most of the night coughing and struggling to breathe, I managed to convince myself I would still be better off at work. My wiser self knew I was wrong. Sure enough, I declined as the day went on. At one point I came over all whoozy while listening to one of my team members explaining a problem she had identified and felt like I was going to pass out. I caved in at 2.00, by which time I was so achy I could barely sit at my desk. At home I checked my temperature and found I had developed a fever. Power bills be damned, I cranked up the central heating and jumped in the shower, then spent the rest of the afternoon with a polarfleece blanket around my shoulders and a sleeping bag over my lap. By the time I went to bed the temperature was receding and I was feeling a lot more normal.

It was plain I wasn't going to be going to work today, but I knew I couldn't repeat Monday's descent into paranoia either. The solution has been a couple of good books, some healthy food and some not so healthy food. I don't know what it is about being ill that makes me crave hydrogenised fats (Cheezels, for goodness sake), but for once I was going to indulge myself. They went well with the Minestrone soup!

I AM genuinely on the improve today. The cold is clearing from my head quite quickly, but is definitely lingering in my chest. I'm feeling wheezy and am having a bit of difficulty filling my lungs. The slight struggle is causing me to hyperventilate. So no exercise for me tomorrow then. However the weekday runners have their first Belmont Park run on Sunday and I badly want to be on board. There are 10km 15km and 18km options and I'd normally be in for 18. Realistically I'll be struggling to do 10km max. Thankfully there are some slower runners for me to hang with if need be!

There is some comfort in the way that I have responded to this latest cold in a predictable manner, and that I have been able to address that behaviour with rehearsed and effective strategies. I still have a neurotic side, obviously, but I think I have it a little more under control!